103123 Twenty-five Myths about my Deconversion from Christianity

I want to dispel some myths about my Post-Christian status and journey. 

 I laid awake early this morning  (3:40 am) writing this list of twenty-five “myths”.  It is Halloween.  It seems timely that I share this list on my blog today… considering the last item.  It would take weeks and months to go into detail with each of these items.  So instead of trying and postponing the sharing of this list with details, I will just share the list.  Maybe one day I can expand it to a fuller picture for people trying to understand me where I am… or maybe not.  For now, it’s a list.  Take it or leave it.  

(As I go through this list during, what I am calling,  Agnostic Advent, I will link each of the twenty-four myths to their corresponding blog post) 

1. I chose this.

2. There was one thing that caused it.

3. I’m still just deconstructing. 

4. It’s a phase.

5. It hurts you more than it hurts me.

6. I’m free to behave anyway I want to.

7. I have it all figured out.

8. Labels define me with accuracy. 

9. No Jesus means no Creator.

10. Agnostic = Atheist = Humanist.

11. Atheist = Anti-theist.  I want the end of religion.

12. The way I see things now is the way I will see things always.

13. I know myself fully now.

14. Not going to church caused this. 

15. I blamed “God” for the deaths in my family. 

16. It’s all about me now.

17. I understand science now that I don't have theology as a narrative.

18. My journey is the same as other agnostics or atheists. 

19. I didn’t read the Bible right.

20. I am overthinking it.

21. No Jesus, No Hope.

22. I lost all belief at once ( Jesus, Creator, Afterlife. Divine intervention, prayer).

23. I don’t value my past in Christianity. 

24. I have the truth or I am certain I am right.

25. Halloween is my favourite holiday. 

Okay… I will expand on the last one.  Halloween’s energy seems to come from the two things I am trying to purge from my life…. Fear and Sugar. (Sugar is the easier of the two)   So without those two, I have no need to invest energy in this day.  I have dedicated October 31 to celebrate the birthday of my cat Twinkel.  

Written October 31, 2023

101223 "Agnostic Atheist" A label that works for me

It is early morning.  My husband is in the bathtub and I peruse my IPhone for something to read before I get myself and our cat Sofie out of bed for the day.  I am currently reading a book by Kate Cohen called "We of little Faith" with the subtitle " Why I Stopped Pretending to Believe (And Maybe You Should Too).  As I read, I come across this question and response from Kate in the chapter "Why I don't call myself an Agnostic". 

"It’s that simple. Ask yourself: Do I think there’s a supernatural being in charge of the universe? If you answer “no,” you’re an atheist. That’s it—you’re done. No suing, signing, marching, debating, or tweeting required. You don’t have to do anything with that information. But if you do choose to share it, you may find you know far more atheists than you thought."

I am reading this book, not because I am questioning my identity and need a better way to explain it.  I am reading it because I want the courage to be honest, at least to myself and eventually with more others.  Do I think there's a supernatural being in charge of the universe?  The key words that stand out for me are "in charge".  So do I think some one is "in charge"?  It doesn't look like it . And if someone is "in charge" they aren't doing a good job of it.  So my answer to Kate's question is "No".  So I can embrace the label "Atheist", but I'm am not okay to let go of the descriptor "Agnostic".  

I was reminded of a blog page (in my Authentic Lent blog) that I wrote back in March of 2022 "The God I can let go of".  I reread it and found I haven't changed my understanding far beyond that blog post.  I am not okay to  embrace the "God I grew up with"… but something in me still wants to leave room for "That which gives me breath."  I don't need to define it, I don't need to understand it, I don't need to name it and I definitely don't need to worship it… but I still want to leave room for it to be.  That is what the Agnostic means to me.  I have no clue why I breathe.  My parents genetic contribution to my existence doesn't allow for my breath.  I did that after I left my mother's body.  So because of that I want to leave room,  if only with imagination, of something beyond myself.  No other requirements needed.  

Maybe my agnosticism is also a way to navigate the two worlds I live in.  I still need to do that.  I need to understand that so many still need the narratives they were given.  I have no need for certainty or conclusions that will bitter anyone's waters.  So the best way to do that is to stay connected to the unknown.  I am not alone.  I am pleased to share space with other Agnostic Atheists that fly with no need to land anywhere. That's right.. flying with no need to land.    I just hope one day I can help others to understand just how beautiful that experience actually is.  

(written October 12, 2023) 

100923 Love requires Evidence

“Love without evidence is stalking" Tim Minchin

“I love you” only works when there are actions to back it up. Love is something you do not just something you say or feel. I will go one step further and say that without the actions of Love, the words and feeling have no foundation. 

My husband like hearing the words “I love you”  but they come,  not as a convincing statement but as a confirmation of the active Love he has already experienced from me. 

Love at its core and essence doesn’t require words or even mushy feelings. It just needs the actions and that is the evidence. 

(Written October 9, 2023) 

100223 My Turtle Necklaces

Some people do things because they find meaning in them.  Some people do things, and in the doing of those things… it is there that they find the meaning they didn't have. 

Originally, I started wearing turtle necklaces because I liked one story about the turtle from the North American Indigenous culture.  As I wore the necklaces, I went looking for other significant meanings.  I discovered that the Taoist and Hindu cultures also provided a story that contributed to the significance of the turtle.  In these cultures and their stories, the turtle is the foundation of the world and even the universe.    

I harvested this quote from Dr. Google.  

"In many cultures, it [the turtle] is associated with wisdom and patience. The tortoise is believed to have the ability to live a long time and thus has accumulated great wisdom throughout its life. It represents the idea of taking things easy, being patient and learning from experiences."

A necklace doesn't need to provide any power or identity to give a reminder of meaning.   I like the stories and in those stories, I find inspiration and connection to nature.  It isn't about knowledge or facts this time, it's about connection.  

(Written October 2, 2023)

100123 What Life really offers.

You can be shaped, scared, shamed or snared into a way of being….  But what does that say about that approach to life?  It seems more like a breeding ground for artificial life forms. 

Life offers an adventure of discovery for every person. What kind of world would we have if we were all invited into that adventure with nothing else to navigate it but our own confidence, curiosity and creativity? 

(Written October 1, 2023) 

091323 Letter to 2023 version of the Borg

We have about eight billion people on this planet.  Why, in 2023, do you still believe that diversity, differences, variety, alternatives… are a bad thing?  Why do you spend so much energy shutting down another person's voice because it's message doesn't work for you?  Maybe it works for someone else.  Why is so much effort spent on narrowing the possibilities instead of expanding them to make room for the people in this world that don't fit into the mold you think is the best for the future the planet?  Why can't I believe and eat what works for me, without being judged, censored, condemned… or assimilated by you?  

(Written September 13, 2023) 

080923 Not the Lawyer of the Cosmos

I'm glad I'm not the lawyer for the Cosmos. I tell people, I'm not a theologian or a scientist, I'm a poet. I let people see the agnostic in me more than the atheist. I tell people I am only fifty five years old and not nearly old enough to debate the existence of the universe with any credibility. I realize that there are more important things than having a position on the hot potato subject of "God existing or not". I am starting to let people hear that I am trying to navigate my worldview based on those fifty five years, not on a 2000 year old story. 

As much as I enjoy listening to Richard Dawkins... he can have his debate platform. I don't want it. He's closer to the beginning of time than I am... and a little more confident than I am about things that maybe are okay left in the realm of the unknown. I don't like certainty... be that theological or scientific. I am much more comfortable understanding that Love is the prime energy of the universe. So I need to work harder at loving people and critters and nature and spend less energy on trying to figure out how I got her in the first place. 

I'm here through no decision of my own. What can I do about it? There are some people who have grown to appreciate my existence. Maybe all the purpose I have in this world is to make their days a little bit better. 

(written September 8, 2023)