It is early morning. My husband is in the bathtub and I peruse my IPhone for something to read before I get myself and our cat Sofie out of bed for the day. I am currently reading a book by Kate Cohen called "We of little Faith" with the subtitle " Why I Stopped Pretending to Believe (And Maybe You Should Too). As I read, I come across this question and response from Kate in the chapter "Why I don't call myself an Agnostic".
"It’s that simple. Ask yourself: Do I think there’s a supernatural being in charge of the universe? If you answer “no,” you’re an atheist. That’s it—you’re done. No suing, signing, marching, debating, or tweeting required. You don’t have to do anything with that information. But if you do choose to share it, you may find you know far more atheists than you thought."
I am reading this book, not because I am questioning my identity and need a better way to explain it. I am reading it because I want the courage to be honest, at least to myself and eventually with more others. Do I think there's a supernatural being in charge of the universe? The key words that stand out for me are "in charge". So do I think some one is "in charge"? It doesn't look like it . And if someone is "in charge" they aren't doing a good job of it. So my answer to Kate's question is "No". So I can embrace the label "Atheist", but I'm am not okay to let go of the descriptor "Agnostic".
I was reminded of a blog page (in my Authentic Lent blog) that I wrote back in March of 2022 "The God I can let go of". I reread it and found I haven't changed my understanding far beyond that blog post. I am not okay to embrace the "God I grew up with"… but something in me still wants to leave room for "That which gives me breath." I don't need to define it, I don't need to understand it, I don't need to name it and I definitely don't need to worship it… but I still want to leave room for it to be. That is what the Agnostic means to me. I have no clue why I breathe. My parents genetic contribution to my existence doesn't allow for my breath. I did that after I left my mother's body. So because of that I want to leave room, if only with imagination, of something beyond myself. No other requirements needed.
Maybe my agnosticism is also a way to navigate the two worlds I live in. I still need to do that. I need to understand that so many still need the narratives they were given. I have no need for certainty or conclusions that will bitter anyone's waters. So the best way to do that is to stay connected to the unknown. I am not alone. I am pleased to share space with other Agnostic Atheists that fly with no need to land anywhere. That's right.. flying with no need to land. I just hope one day I can help others to understand just how beautiful that experience actually is.
(written October 12, 2023)
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