One of my favourite Youtube channels is called "Growing up in Polygamy". Sam and his wife Melissa are the hosts. Sam grew up in the FLDS under the leadership of Warren Jeffs. When asked if he could change his past, Sam said he wouldn't. He said that his past made him who he was today. He didn't want his own children to grow up the way he did, but he wasn't going to wish his past away either.
When I look back at my past, I can't wish it away either. There are some amazing people I now call friends that I would never have met had I not been raised in the Christian culture I was raised in. Thinking about those positive experiences, maybe some of them could have happened had I not been exposed to the Christian culture, but they did happen in that culture and I am thankful for them.
Going forward, I wouldn't encourage the next generation to follow in my past footsteps. If someone asked me if they had to go to church to have a fulfilled life, I would have to say a definite "No!". Christianity and the clubs that come with it had some positive influence in my life, but I can't forget the damaging narrative that it came with. I can't forget the shame that the whole system is built on. I can't un-know the things I know now about the source of the story. But all that being said, I am still thankful for the people and some of the experiences I had. My time in Christianity taught the value of community through good and bad times. It taught me some very human lessons that, like Sam, made me who I am today.
(written December 23, 2023)
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