121623 Agnostic Advent: Myth #16 "It's all about me now."

I am in the middle of a decision this morning that will prove one way or another if this statement is a myth or actually possibly true.  

I got an email from someone I knew from the community where I grew up.  She was a few years older than me, so I don't remember her from school, but she knew my sister. She found out from a common friend about my sister's death, and she emailed me to share her thoughts and condolences.  The last email reply that she sent me was a response to what I said about Christmas being hard again…

* * * 

Helen: "I'm so sorry. I know that having loved ones gone is tough. I'm thankful that I didn't lose my parents at a tender age. As it was, I enjoyed many years with my parents. I pray that the many wonderful memories will comfort you until you meet your Dad in heaven.  Hugs to you too"  

(Maybe the "again" part of my response had her thinking of my Dad who died sixteen years ago.  I wrote a response to her email this morning on my iPhone before I got out of bed.  I didn't send the email… I saved it in my Draft folder.  This was my response.)  

Ruby: "Thank you… 

I was 39 when Dad died. He was 75. So maybe he had a  long enough life. I don’t think he would have done old well.  

As for “heaven”… I tell people that I miss my family here. Projecting another existence beyond this one in order to ease the pain of my losses in this life… that isn’t me anymore. I have no clue what happens after my last breath. I can understand the desire to imagine a reconnection with the ones that have died before us, but for me I am okay to embrace the pain of the loss in the only life that I am confident that I have. 

I feel free at times to talk to my dad, my nephew and my sister now as a way to navigate my grief.   I am not going to claim any response back from them as reality.. I just spend time in a space with them when I miss them and want to feel their presence. For me that works better than imagining an afterlife. 

Maybe none of this reflects the belief system I was raised with or the different systems I believed as an adult, but it is what I have now that makes sense to me.  My life is here now and my passion is to love the people I have here now. 

Thank you Helen."  

* * * 

I guess the next day or few days will tell me if "it is about me".  Will I send this reply back to Helen?  Will I risk upsetting her apple cart when I'm not even someone who she is in regular communication with? What can one skeptical reply do to her when I'm not around to pick up any pieces.  Maybe I just need to leave the email at "Thank you". Maybe it's enough to just share my response here in my blog understanding that she will probably never read what I write here.  For now… it's still in my draft folder.  Maybe "I'm overthinking it."… but I will deal with that myth in a few days.  It's coming up on December 20.  Maybe by then, I will be able to tell you what I did with this email response.  Is it about me?  More often than not, I would say no.  Time will tell on this one.  Stay tuned to here more on December 20.  

(written December 16, 2023)