081623 Who am I now that she is gone?

(This is a post I shared on my Facebook groups for sibling loss. ) 

What I have found so significant with sibling loss and why it changes us, is that our siblings for the most part, defined our identity.  There was my older sister and then there was me.  I was a carefree, last born child, not needing to worry about the world and it's problems.  For most of my childhood, I had no idea that I had to figure out how to look after myself... because there was my sister.  It was her job to look after me.  For fifty five years... she was there looking out for me in one way or another.  We both had our own lives and our own families, but she never let go of that mantle of responsibility to look after me.  It's only been a month now that she died and I already find myself changing.  Who I am to the core has changed.  I feel it and I see my responses as evidence of that change.  We  will never be the same!  Whether that is a younger sibling or older sibling. We define each other and our relationships impact our personalities.  My sister would have been a very different person had I not come around.  An older sibling is not an only child.  I defined her identity by just being.  This can be a big reason why we are hurting so much.  We lost not just our sibling... we now have lost ourselves and must figure out how to be  different human beings as we move on without them.  

Understanding this won't for the most part ease the pain.  I just explains it.  Hugs and a whole lot of grace going out to everyone who has to now figure out who they are.

(Written August 16, 2023)