As I write this I am laying in my bed and looking at the last cross that still hangs in my house. It's been a few years since I started purging my walls and book shelves of the remnants of my Christianity. But one cross still remains on my wall. It bears no resemblance to the crude wooden beams that it is suppose to represent. Those crude wooden beams tortured and displayed Jewish insurgents who defied the Roman government around two thousand years ago. This cross is made of white glass with two gold coloured circles entwined underneath the horizontal piece. It's a stained glass piece of art that was given to my husband and I when we got married fifteen years ago by the pastor that married us.
It's not the only gift we got from that pastor and his wife. There are spruce trees in our yard that remind us just how long we've been married. They were mere saplings when they were given to us fifteen years ago. We call them "the wedding trees". They are alive and change with each year and remind us more of our married life than that piece of glass that still hangs on our wall.
Why haven't I taken it down yet? The cross holds no meaning for me or even my theist husband. He has no need for cross to connect with "Creator". He needs no "middle man". I have no need of a cross to remind me of a Jesus who I buried on Good Friday over two years ago, and then didn't resurrect him. We have no need to display it to show our appreciation to the gift givers, because in fifteen years they have never come to visit us. So why is it still hanging in a prominent place in our house?
What about the wedding rings that are interconnected with each other. Do they still hold meaning? The only rings that hold meaning for us are the ones on our fingers. They were given to us by my mother. My husband wears my Dad's wedding ring and I am wearing my Opa's wedding ring. When we got married, there was already over 100 years of marriage represented by those rings. They are simple gold bands and can't be more precious to both my husband and myself.
So why don't I take the cross down? I guess to ask that question, I also need to ask if it reminds me of something else.
When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we didn't have a church connection. When it came to who would officiate at our wedding, there was no easy selection to make. It wasn't until I was at a gathering with my mother that I told a former classmate of hers and long time friend of our family that I was getting married. He seemed excited.
"Can we come?" He asked
"Can you marry us?" I replied
He said he was honoured. I felt somewhat embarrased at that moment. I had not been a card carrying Lutheran for decades and he said he was honoured to do my wedding. He even invited my husband and I to join him and his wife for a month of meals at their house to get to know us as a couple. They call that pre-marital counselling... but we were both in our forties, so it had a slight different emphasis.
His wife tried out new recipes on us and it was an enjoyable experience. I looked forward to our Tuesday double date nights.
I imagine now what it took for him to make that cross. He had dabbled in stained glass art for a long time. It is a meticulous time consuming art form and is not made without a lot of effort and skill. He spend hours making that cross and rings for us to give us on our wedding day. He gave us his quality time, and for me that equals love.
Maybe that is why that cross still hangs on my wall. I don't see it as a symbol of anything else but the love of a friend who gave my husband and I his time. And to me, time is the greatest gift of love. Maybe one day I will take that cross down, and then it will be the last cross to go down. But it doesn't have to come down today.
(written May 16, 2024)
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